Saturday, 13 April 2013

Friends with Benefits!!!

Friendship is not a casual relationship cos we do not make friends with all our acquaintances. There are different ways people define what friends with benefit means, but in my opinion, which follows with my first sentence, it means people who started off being friends with no idea of ever hooking up and 'Bam' one faithful day it all goes down and the 'FWB' journey starts, just like a platonic friend. Who remembers what Chris Rock said about those? 'A platonic friend is like a dick in a jar case' lol. To other people it means other things

I always say friends with benefits should be a relationship status cos the relationship of friendship with (sexual) benefits has become increasingly popular. I went online to do a little research on it this afternoon and I got this quote from a psychology blog; 'Sex between friends with benefits is more recurring and affectionate than that of a one-night stand, although the sex is not part of romantic love. Research shows that men appear to focus more on the benefits and women more on the friendship.'

Now as much as this happens a lot, do you think its healthy? How many people stay friends when sex gets into the picture? A lot of people (not just women) say 'oh its just sex' 'oh its nothing serious' 'we can handle ourselves' 'we have an understanding', but the truth is in most cases someone ends up falling for the other person. It starts off harmless but when you continuously have sex with someone, you're comfortable with him, you share secrets with each other, one person will break the rules and fall for the other person and in most cases the woman is the one who falls for the man. As much as the saying 'you really can't help who you fall for' goes, you should be fully aware of what you're getting into.

My one time ever true friends with benefits lasted a few months. Friends for a few years before anything happened and even when it did I didn't see it coming. The plus side for me was he wasn't my type, in the sense that if we weren't friends and he asked me out, I wouldn't date him. It felt weird at first but got better and It was what it was, we set rules and we were obviously free to be with other people and we also made it clear that if we got into a relationship  with other people along the line then it would have to end because after all, it was just sex. I realised that I got too comfortable and then arguments started, I just got out of a relationship before we really started and it now felt like I was in a relationship all over again, part of being ok with friends with benefits then was cos I didn't want the relationship drama at that point in my life. It felt choking and it wasn't what I wanted, all I was really bothered about was our friendship and keeping it. A lot happened but thank God it ended when it did and we can still see each other today and act cool.

The problem with friends with benefits is that it has a tendency to go south pretty quick and most times, not in the good way. My advice is this, try it out with someone you wouldn't normally date and enjoy it while its still hot and steamy. Give yourselves a time frame and stop before it turns into something else, I mean reach your breaking point. Fact is friends with benefits is like snacking on your favourite junk food, its yummy and addictive but never lasts long and one day you'll get tired and irritated. Pick something you know would make you fall for a guy and don't do it with him, in my case its kissing, its an easier way for me to fall for a guy i'm attracted to than sex, especially if its amazingly good, lol. When you start to continuously argue about whatever is also a sign to stop, it could mean feelings are starting to creep in and in some cases it means 'disaster on the way' because one person might want it to get serious and the other doesn't so stop before you ruin your friendship, in another case it could mean irritation which also means time to stop. Some friends with benefits end up being a serious relationship, some even lead to marriage. This doesn't happen to everyone so don't think cos A was lucky with hers means the same will happen to you. In the case of strictly fuck buddies, do not call or text him for anything other than sex (I personally feel fuck buddies and friends with benefits are 2 different things, close but different. Just thought I'd put that out there, lol)

Love Lowla


  1. Lovely post, quite informative too. I kinda agree with the "I personally feel fuck buddies and friends with benefits are 2 different things, close but different."
    Friends with benefits stand a chance to lose more if it ends than fuck buddies cos there was the friendship before the fucking. The major rule not to break is setting the limits, letting her know that it is what it is and nothing more and would never be, once that is set then I think its all rose and dandy

    My own 2 cents

  2. Friendships and romance are best kept far apart unless u r prepared to risk both. I couldn't but I hv no lk moral objection to it!!

  3. I personally hate labelling anything that isn't marriage, or a serious committed relationship. And I don't get the big deal about if one person falls for the other, many great relationships start that way. Anyone is free to break the rules they just have to be prepared to face the fact that their partner may not be interested in anything more. I personally haven't had a fwb relationship. Or maybe I have but since I like things undefined I just never realized that's what it was.

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