Thursday, 9 May 2013

In Love With Him But He is Taken



Is it safe to say that every woman has been in a situation where she's in love with a man who is taken? Not necessarily a married man, a guy who has a girlfriend is also under this category.. I think its not safe to say Yes, but a lot of women have found themselves in this situation... I've been there... We'll get to my story later. Lol

It is not a good feeling, it can be very devastating wanting someone you know you may never have but the truth is, there's almost nothing you can do about it. The only time you get to smile about it is when you're with him, then all your worries have gone to sleep. You get to stand close to him, maybe hold his hands briefly, hug him twice (hi and bye), look at him laugh/smile... When those times come you cherish it with all your heart. Now this is for women who probably haven't told the guy they are in love with him. What about the guys who know you're in love with them? Some guys are decent enough to let you know that they have a woman and nothing will ever happen between you two. Never condemn such guys, though the truth maybe bitter, its better they were honest with you. Some guys tell you they have a woman but they won't stop or block the chances of having an affair with you.. Never condemn such guys either because the fact is they told you the truth, you decided to let the affair happen so if there ever comes a time when he says he's done with the affair, don't go saying he broke your heart, remember he was never your to begin with.. Finally, we have the guys who don't say anything about their women at home... Now those are the types you condemn and curse with all your heart... Just kidding, don't go cursing people please, leave the judgement to God.

What do you do when you find yourself falling for a man who is taken? I don't have the answers to this question because the truth is, you can't help who you fall in love with, the love of your life might just be a married man. What do you do when you find yourself falling in love with and dating a man that is taken? I guess the best advice I can give is telling you not to start the affair but who am i kidding, we all end up doing what we really want to do and besides that advice is not practical for all women.

My case was pretty different, he was mine but we called it off coz he had to leave the country and he was honest enough to let me know from the beginning that he doesn't do long distance relationships. I fell in love with him before he had a girlfriend later on (by the way they are not together anymore *files nails with a smirk on*.. Lol). My first love, it was hard, and then about 3 years later I got to live in the same country with him.. Now that was pretty tough, we had fights upon fights upon fights... It took me 8 good years to get it into my head that me and him will never happen again.. We're like best friends from across the ocean now, lol.

So I know how it feels. I will say this, don't push being with him coz I did that and it got me nowhere. If you're not friends with him, let it remain that way, nothing is wrong in letting him notice you, but that still doesn't change the fact that he's taken. Ask yourself if you're ready to be close to him when you know you might not have him the way you want. But If you're friends with him and haven't told him how you feel, Don't!! Chances are he already knows (if he's not stupid). Maybe he's enjoying it or might feel guilty or maybe he's taking his time to figure it out. The fact is once he knows, there's a very slim chance that you both will remain friends. There's 2 things to do here... Walk away or just be friends. Some don't have the strength to hold on to friendship when they don't get love back, others do... I got love back but not the way I wanted it to be, I was strong enough to just be friends because I'd rather have him in my life as a good friend than not have him in my life at all.

If you have been in a similar situation, share your thoughts, someone out there might just be going through the same thing now and has no idea what to do.

Love Lowla

12 comments:

  1. *sigh*...its nt easy to keep someone u really like as just a friend,coz sooner/later that fine line is gonna be crossed & then some1 gets hurt! Best practice is to stay away!!!!keep ur distance!!!!if he feels the same way about u(& he's unmarried)then he wld do the right thing!just saying......now if only I took my own advice lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

      Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

      Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

      Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

      And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

      Insert subject line here and link it to: Your ex won’t be able to resist?

      Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

      It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

      And even begging to be with you.

      Here’s what I’m talking about:

      Insert subject line here and link it to: Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

      Thanks again.











      .

      Delete
  2. Thanks babes, I was in the same situation but the only difference was that he knew and he was enjoying it tremendously, I couldn't stand being friends without getting too close but it took a good amount of heart breaking news ( that he had 2 sons from 2 different girls) to get a hold on myself and also to move on, because previously I was limiting myself and hoping that somehow some day that something might happen between us, but guess what I am over that now and it took a lot of courage, drunken nights and self determination to get to this point. We were very close and had a lovely relationship I met him over 8 years ago and within that time frame we evolved from being good friends to novel buddies to close friends to lovers to exes and back to lovers before this whole sage, so I thought to myself that if it is okay for him to go and get some other woman pregnant and flaunt the son in front of me, what does that make me? Yes true love maybe a one in a life thing, maybe twice for lucky people, but who says that I'm bothered, yes I was in love once and I enjoyed and it didn't end very well and so? At the moment I'm exploring other options and moving my life forward, there are many beautiful things in this life to look forward to. So if you have been in a similar situation or worse, its okay to cry, get drunk, act crazy, but after that look for the new you, trust me, its an exciting and interesting adventure, and you will come out refined, strong and better than the previous you (smiles). Well if you are still in love, give it everything, trust me, true love is hard to find. That's all I have to say on this matter and besides his son is not even cute (tongue out) as he would have been if he had him with me duh!lol. Take care beautiful women and let's enjoy our life.

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  3. I love this topic n I'm happy lowla wrote about it. Truth is 90% of ladies have found themselves in this compromising situation, n truth is some end up in d same position over n over again without any major lessons learnt. Speaking from experience my advice to any young woman who finds herself in this position is to pack ur bags n RUN(lol) if u are too emotional and can't handle being friends with the guy without ur feelings taking over please leave him n run away.
    We all knw the signs, n I believe that once u see d sign n knw that dres no relationship coming out of it, take d bold step n walk very very far. Luckily for me I was stuck for 6months n when I realised he wasn't goin to leave his girlfriend, I walked away. N d saddest part was he still didn't leave her after I left.
    No matter how emotionally attached we are to someone, we all know the right thing to do, but I guess the fear of being alone or living without that person makes u want to stay and settle.

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  4. lmao @ his son is not cute

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  5. Wonderful subject. Found myself in that same exact situation. Dude was married and I fell face down in love with him. It was crazy OMG but then again letting go is d hardest part. Still can't get him off my system. Oh well I pray to get over it tho. Lowla, r u gonna talk about In love with her but she is taken? I knw someone who really needs it.
    Keep up d good work. U rock.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, i'm glad you love the post. Since this is a blog for and about women, it would be tricky to blog about what you requested for. The good thing is that this can actually work both ways. Tell your friend to speak to her about his feelings but he should ask himself if he can handle not being friends with her anymore (that is if he is already friends with her). We all know how we women can get sometimes, if she is not into him there is a great chance that she will be irritated by his advancement and that can draw her away from him. The truth however remains that she is taken by someone else so just as i said to the ladies, best to keep your feelings to yourself or walk away if you cant handle being friends.. REALLY HARD but its the best way to save yourself and heart from more damage.

      Love Lowla

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  6. I have been caught up in few unrequited or unreciprocated love.. i grew up feeling all insecure about the way i looked, and parallel to that even my mom hates my uglinessand she favours my beautifull brother and sister over me. My own sister was secretly wishing so that i wouldnt grow up prettier than her she will thwart my chances to outshine her.. so basically i was hated wherever i go, bcus of looks alone.
    I first fell in love when i was just 13. It was a love that took me 3 years to realize that the boy i liked was just leading me on. When i finally confessed he said he just wanted to be friends. Better yet, few months later he hooked up with a girl who promised me that she will get him and me closer. She became the reason i distrust friendship so much. And it took me more than 5 years to get over the trauma of getting heart broken, since they go dating and stuff right in front of my eyes. While i was hurting, that guy was busy flirtibg with that girl. i realised how far i can go for someone i loved.. and i realised, love was not something you find from others.. it should come from within, for me it did.
    I knew what my love can do.. i felt amazed. Then i took my own sweet time to get over that guy. By that time i entered college, finished it, and was working as an intern.
    There i met this guy, i prefer to name him as Y. Y was very strict with girls his age and younger. He made sure to make us refer to him as "elder brother".
    It happened by the time i was making an introduction exchange with him. He was a very handsome and smartly dressed guy. Pleasant manners and firm demeanor, he was everything that one could ask for. Someone i only imagined was standing in front me everyday and i started to admire him. But strictly i was t type that would never get my hands on a guy thats taken. Shockingly, a day came where he announced to the whole department that he was engaged. I was happy, but sad at my fate. My crush on him was one sided and i wondered why i had such ill fate with love.
    He brought the girl for us to see. She was everything that i wasnt, physically. I was happy bcuz she was perfectly matched for him. And slowly i started to isolate myself from him, i never dared to have conversations with him. My friend who was pretty like a doll did all the talking while i did her share of the work. I didnt mind, i didnt get angry or jealous but i pitied myself. For being so weak. I couldnt even be honest.

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  7. Continued..
    He started to observe me, and my actions and one day, he even helped me to wipe my tears away when i was bullied by someone. I noticed the changes obviously, the staffs were purposely talking about his break up with his fiance so loudly that i could hear, and then thats how i heard that he liked me.. from them of all people. It was a surprise.
    No body in their right mind will do that. But he did. He stole glances at me, occasionally smiled and helped me. Bossed me around and what not.. i was happy to know about his feelings.
    And then it hit me. There was a girl he had to hurt in order to make his desicions about me. I thought of his fiance. It changed everything. I let him go by the time i realised what im doing was wrong.
    He on the other hand took the rejection badly. Me being physically unfit for him was also one of the reason why i did that. Believe me. The moment i falsified my statement regarding my feelings for him. i was dying inside. Afraid. Nervous. Painstakingly i hid all my tears and smiled at him. I knew i was the most cruelest. I thought he was delusioned maybe one day he will wake up and think it was a bad decision. I was afraid of that.
    I was hasty. Fearing rejection, i pushed him away. It has been 4 years since then. He has been single and havent hooked up with anyone. after i knew about that i felt guilty, it was painful, and i regretted it. Seriously i did. Until now, till to this date i am unable to forget him and i constantly checked his profiles to check if he was doing fine. I am only wishing for his happiness. As about now, i dont feel the love on anyone other than him and neither do i wish for him to be mine, all wish for right now is for him to be happy and for me to let go.
    Im still single, hoping to be that way till the end.

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