Saturday, 6 April 2013

Breadwinner Wives

Most of us women under 50 today were taught when growing up that we would be career women and be paid the same as men and we embraced this concept with all our heart. However, no one really thought that women might actually earn more than men, not that it wasn't happening in the 60's and 70's but it was hardly ever heard of and not at the rate it is now. That idea, until recently, would have been unthinkable, but we are. Tons of women in the world today are earning just as much or more than men and the fact is most of us don't know how to feel about this, triumphant or dismayed.

Now if we focus on Africa or Nigeria alone, we can say that a lot of women today are earning just as much or more than men. So who are these breadwinner wives/girlfriends and how are they coping? We all know that majority of our men (in Africa/Nigeria) are intimidated by ambitious women and they do not like the idea of their women earning more than them or being the breadwinner. Some men love and appreciate their women making more money but they also make it clear to them that they (the men) still remain the breadwinner.

This situation has caused a lot of break-ups between couples so I decided to look into it my own way. I asked a few women how they would feel if they were the breadwinner and also how they would feel if it affected their relationship in a negative way. Their reaction was quite funny, I got replies like 'Hian, jamb question', 'Abeg its avoidable stress', 'Na 3 questions be that na' etc. I also asked a few men how they would feel and if they would let it affect their relationship in a negative way, one said 'I will spark every morning and slap her to just to show her who's boss' lol. Btw he was joking o, lol. He said he would enjoy the wealth with her. Anyway this is what some others had to say and yes i quoted them, lol.

One guys says as long as he takes care of the needs of his family, It doesn't matter if his wife earns more than him. That the problem starts when the man starts to forget his duties and pushes it to his wife cos she earns more money.

Aj: Please marriage has enough problems to come and add that one to the matter again.

Anon: I expect my man to work twice as hard as I do. So when the rainy day comes, we'll have an umbrella for dat period. I won't leave him, I'm supposed to be his support system. But no, I won't marry a man that I make more than.

Akin: Nope. Its actually a positive. Higher household income means we can afford a better life as a family.

Obot: I won't marry a man that I make more money than, I just feel it isn't right and feel the man will take me for granted later.

Anon: It should not be encouraged. My mums friend has been married for 27yrs and all through she's been the breadwinner of the family, from husbands car, boxers, credit, phone to children's fees, cloths & feeding. One morning she woke up and asked the man to leave! Na pastors come beg for the man case. Now tell me what has this man been doing for the past 27yrs with his life? He has nothing to his name all businesses he attempted failed & yet still living off the wife.

Nnamdi: I won't mind, so long as I can provide. If I had none, it might be dicey, but it's ok cos I'm confident enough to feel that I'll always turn the corner.

Oby: Hmmm its kinda tricky. If u are married to an oyinbo or someone with oyinbo mentality then its a lot easier, but if u are married to a proper Naija man then be ready to go the extra mile to be submissive & do a whole lot of ego boosting. If u guys r already married & he hits a rough patch & u are there to take on the responsibilities for a while until he's back on his feet then its a different thing cause in their mind that's what a supportive wife should do. However if u rich pass am from the inception then u are either on a sugar mummy long thing OR u would have to practically transfer ur whole wealth to his name to keep the peace.

Audu: No, i will love it so i can retire in peace

RĂ©: I can't imagine my wife being the breadwinner. She can be wealthier than me but I would want to contribute

There you have it guys, whatt a few people had to say, i loved Audu's reply the most, Lol. So from what they all said, we can see that now the women do not encourage being wealthier than their men and i think its safe to say that its all because they do not want it to affect their marriage/Love life with their partner in a negative way. But from the replies, the men of today do not seem to mind, or is this just all talk? Hmmm, i think it has to do with the mans mentality. I will start by saying i do not want to marry a man i am wealthier than but if it should somehow happen then so be it, I personally feel it should not be an issue in a relationship/marriage, if we are married we agreed to be one, what's mine is his. I will not go as far as literally taking his manhood away and be the breadwinner, no, I would contribute where and when I need to. I also do not feel men should be intimidated if their women are more ambitious and earn more than they do

Please comment and share your thoughts on this issue.

Love Lowla


  1. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it (although it is highly unlikely lol) given that it doesn't mess with the structure of my home. Its just important to come up with a system of paying the bills and spending the money.. Not that she'll be driving benz and ill be riding bicycle. Actually one of my uncles' wife makes way more than him but he manages all the money so that works for them too. Either way its not a deal breaker for me in and of itself

  2. Firstly, earning more is relative. Secondly, this issue can become a source of discord when the women involved can't handle their successes. Humility is Key.

  3. I can definitely be with a guy that I earn more money than he does. However he as to be able to support himself. And most importantly be ambitious and goal oriented