Saturday, 18 May 2013

The Man Code

Hi everyone, i've been so busy planning my gramps birthday so i haven't had the time to blog, my spare time is spent sleeping or trying to catch up with the girls, lol.
I came across this 'Code' yesterday, read through it and decided to share with you all. There are 50 codes, i figured 'way too long to post' so i took some out. Hope you find it as funny as i did. And shout out to my friend for sending it to me :*

The Man Code

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

2. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.

3. When questioned by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out “BULLSHIT!” (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

8. Complaining about the brand of free beverages in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But you may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own – grill, car, firstborn child – within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered “lucky” are not applicable in this case.

10. Agreeing to distract the skanky friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

12. Before dating a buddy’s ex you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. He is however allowed to say, “man, you’re gonna love the way she licks your balls”.

13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem – You didn’t see nothin’.

15. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a best friend’s birthday is strictly optional, and slightly gay.

16. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire, and threw it into a ceiling fan.

17. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, never appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her ugly, whiny friend up with your pal, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

19. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

20. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

21. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass whuppin’, then you may sit back and enjoy.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

24. Never join your girlfriend/wife in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

25. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: “Yeah, baby, push it!” “C’mon, give me one more! Harder!” “Another set and we can hit the showers” “Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”

26. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

27. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod will do just fine.

28. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.

29. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

30. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly “just a friend”, go at it, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

31. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

32. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

33. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

34. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

35. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

36. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has drunk in a night.

37. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach, and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel, and it’s free.

38. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which could be perceived as a mattress.

39. If you jiggle more than twice, you’re playing with it.

40. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

41. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining a threesome with two girls.

So there you have it, 41 codes that i loooove. Some of my favorites: 1 (alot of guys have seen this movie. lol), 6, 9 (firstborn ke?, lol), 13(haha i love soccer and that buffallo wings ass is mine, lol), 20 (hahaha priesthood sha), 23 (i agree,lol), 28(you dont say, lol)... And  few more but ill end here. Let me know the ones you like, find funny, agree to disagree with etc

Love Lowla

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