Monday, 3 June 2013

The Lives of Baby Mamas

Everyone has their perception of baby mamas and how they live their various lives. So far I've realized that majority of the people have negative views of baby mamas. We hear different stories that follows the famous tag 'Baby mama drama'. I asked myself how these single mothers live and how they handle their daily lives. If there's any drama associated with them, there has to be a root to the problem. Yes I'm well aware that some women are flat out stubborn and most times its unnecessary but let's not tag all women that way just because we have a few stubborn ones in the bunch.

If you're not in this position, my only words to you is 'Do not judge'. You have no idea what its like for them and what its like to be a single mother. I was able to get 2 people in this situation tell me how it feels, how being a single mother has affected and changed their lives. This is what they had to say:

A: Hey I don't know how to start, lol. But yeah, being a mom has been greatest kid is beautiful!! But before I got to the point I am right now, it took a whole lot..I mean obviously being a young mom (in my early twenties) and having a kid out of wedlock, people said a lot and people would continue to say a lot but I can't be bothered.. It's been tough I won't lie but the father of my kid is amazing, the best father any mother could ask for her child,took a long time to get here but I'm grateful. I have no regrets, I love my kid and life has been amazing.

B: I had an idea of what my life would be at the age I'm at but I have something totally different now. I got pregnant at the age of 23, young, confused, scared with no idea of what I could do to get myself out of that situation. The thought of abortion came to mind but I could not bring myself to do it. I was so inlove with the father of my daughter, I wanted a future with him but I didn't get that. He said to me 'let's do the right thing and get married'.. I asked him if that was what he really wanted and if he loved me enough to do it but he couldn't give me a straight answer. That was when I knew spending the rest of my life with him would never happen. I'm a realist so I didn't want to deceive myself by saying yes to marrying him. My daughter is 3 years old and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Taking care of her from birth has not been easy, it has been the toughest but most amazing journey of my life. My daughters father and I do not have the best relationship now, we argue and get into fights, i want him to be there for his child, play his role but its more difficult than i thought. Half the time people say i'm trying to make his life hell, they say i want to get back with him, ruin his relationships so that he is with only me and i laugh, they have no idea how hard it is. I'm stubborn sometimes i agree, but its all because i don't want my child growing up and asking why her father is never around. In all of this, we try to make it work out for her sake. People talk, I've heard so many things that could bring me down or make me disappear but I will not run. I try not to look at getting pregnant as a mistake, when I see my baby girl smile, all the hurt goes away. My life as a 'baby mama' is no easy one but with God on my side and my lovely family and friends, I scale through my daily life easily.

I am not a baby mama but I would love to give some advice. First off, I feel we should do away with the 'Baby mama' tag, don't refer to your child's mother or father as baby mama or baby daddy. Look at them as the other party involved in the creation of your child. Communication is key in every aspect of life so communicate with your ex, its very important and as your child starts to grow do not use them as the go between because children play sides when they want something from their parents so its best you two talk directly. Be sure to keep it straight forward and simple, indulging in longer than necessary conversations leave you open to disagreements and this isn't good for the child. Do not diss the other parent in the presence of your child, you 2 don't have to be the best of friends but you should try your best to be civil. Children can pick up on any form of animosity you hold for the other parent and they will likely resent you for being the mean one.

Love Lowla

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