Monday, 4 November 2013

10 things Women should learn how to say to a Man

What's the worst thing a woman can be in a relationship or when communicating with a man? Its simple, Silent.

We women need to embrace the art of expressing ourselves in living words and not typed ones. We need to be honest with ourselves and not give excuses for our men when its obvious they've done wrong.

I decided to write out 10 things we women should learn to say to a man and not keep it in our heads, no matter how hard you feel it is to say. I only wish I learnt how to say these things a decade ago and not now.

1: Express how you feel. We're all going through one thing or the other, it’s important to be vulnerable with your man and tell him how you feel about the pain or what's going on in your life. Let him in slowly and learn to trust him with your emotions.

2: Learn to say STOP. A lot of women have been in a sexual situation where they wanted a man to stop but they didn't. The ability to say ‘stop’ when you feel uncomfortable starts with an acknowledgement that you don’t owe the man anything. Its your life so you get to decide what you want and don’t want on the physical side of a relationship because he's doing what he wants.

3: I want you to commit to me. If a half commitment or casual friends with benefits situation is where you find yourself and you don't want it, then ask him to commit. You are your own worst enemy by letting him string you along without declaring his intention.

4: Let him know what you want and what behaviour is unacceptable. He's human just like you, he isn’t a mind reader. You have to use your words to express your desires/wants/needs. He is after all your man, telling your friends what he isn't doing will not help. Set standards for your romantic life and know how to express them in a kind, yet straightforward way. Steve Harvey said: “Men respect standards. Get some!”

5: Let him know when he hurts your feelings. Do not wait until your tolerance level hits breaking point to express how you feel, that just makes it worse. If your man does something to hurt you, then tell him. Little confrontations along the way make for a much healthier relationship and this is based on good communication. The truth is we all hurt each other, but we must all learn to express our emotions before we hit the boiling point.

6: You are worth his words. We live in a world where arguments, break-ups, and threats are common over text messages and social media, you should learn how to cut off an on-screen conversation and ask to have it face-to-face. A real man will not hide behind a screen. You are worth his words.

7: 'I want to be with you'. Learn to say this (and please be sober) because you’ll want to say it to a man one day. You can’t expect him to read your mind, like I said he's human just like you, not from outta space, so step up to the plate and tell him exactly how you feel, worst case scenario he won't feel the same way, its not the end of the world (I've discussed this before).

8: You have what it takes. Chances are the man you love will struggle at some point in his life with his identity. It could be through a career failure or some sort of negative message he’s grown used to hearing and believing. Look him in his hurting eyes and tell him he has what it takes. Tell him you believe in him.

9: My (career, faith, children, etc) is really important to me. Please ladies, do not be a chameleon morphing your desires onto the man of the moment. Learn to stand up for who you are and what you believe in. Never  apologise for being you, you are who you are. A relationship is never worth compromising the core of that.

10: Your love does not define me. Ladies, you are not defined by how many men are lined up outside your door. Define yourself as one radically loved by God and do not let the volatile desires of any man steal your confidence.

There's a lot more but I do not want to be a bore, lol. Please feel free to add to what I have above. Love yourself and have a great week.

Love Lowla

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